Friday, April 29, 2005

Why Bill Frist Ought to Be Thrown in Jail and Skinned

Democrats better take Bill Frist seriously. When he wants to accomplish something, he's not above doing something completely illegal and psychopathic. (Hat tip, Irina T.)

I'll adopt a special style for this post to explain what Frist (hereinafter "Defendant") did.

While a student at Harvard Medical School, Defendant, Bill Frist, did go to local animal shelters, and tell local shelter personnel that Defendant was interested in adopting a cat. Defendant would take said cats home, conduct surgery upon them, and kill them. Defendant has said that defendant conducted these "experiments" to better his surgery techniques.

If Defendant were a New York resident, Defendant would likely be charged with Aggravated Animal Cruelty, an E-class felony (up to 2 years in jail), both because of the unusual cruelty of defendant's actions and because of apparent volume of cats defendant killed.

Charges: Am 353-a(1)(ii) - A person is guilty of aggravated cruelty to animals when, with no justifiable purpose, he or she intentionally kills or intentionally causes serious physical injury to a companion animal with aggravated cruelty. For purposes of this section, "aggravated cruelty" shall mean conduct which: (ii) is done or carried out in an especially depraved or sadistic manner.

The number of counts Defendant is to be charged with will be equal to the number of animals he kills.

I would recommend that the sentences run consecutively.

Defendant is apparently a poor surgeon, since he no longer practices.

Defendant is our current Senate Majority Leader. G-d help Defendant if he runs for President in 2008.

Unfortunately, Defendant escapes felony charges on aggravating statute of limitations issues. New York's 353-a was passed in 1999. Defendant would probably fall under 353, the misdemeanor animal cruelty statute.

Massachusetts, the real site of the crime, passed their felony animal cruelty statute just last year, and it went into effect on November 17, 2004. It is Massachusetts General Law, Chapter 272, Section 77. It's also tougher than New York's law. Defendant could go to jail for up to 5 years if Defendant were to do what he did then today.

I'd still recommend that the sentences run consecutively.

I would also give Harvard University a call and have Defendant expelled, or at least, in the Thane Rosenbaum tradition of creative punishment, have the Defendant sent on naked jungle safari.

9 Comments:

At 7:18 PM, Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

As long as I get to go for the right... dressed, of course!

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger Gothamimage said...

Justice Brenner seems more astute and measured than Justice Sunday, where Doktor Frist recently held court.

The cats are dead. They cannot meow for themselves, but scratches on our minds, as if from the cats of ages, call out for fair felines of the future.

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

Hi, I got tagged with this song, and now I'm passing it to you!

Love and war often go hand in hand...


by Elton John


I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, costs nothing to touch
War makes money, cancer sleeps
Curled up in my father and that means something to me
Churches and dictators, politics and papers
Everything crumbles sooner or later
But love, I believe in love

I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, no borders to cross
Love is simple, hate breeds
Those who think difference is the child of disease
Father and son make love and guns
Families together kill someone
Without love, I believe in love

Without love I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here
Without love I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

I believe in love
I believe in love
I believe in love

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger marybishop said...

Congratulations on passing the bar -- a little dung beetle told me!

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Jawad said...

Me it was a little bird that told me. Congratulation Michael. Wish you lots of success.

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger laurenbove said...

Congrats on passing the bar!

 
At 2:52 PM, Blogger evolver said...

I wish to add my congratulations to your significant accomplishment, and while wishing you much success, hope that I do not soon require you to co-defend me with Bill Frist! :-)

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger Gothamimage said...

Congrat on passing!

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Michael Brenner said...

Thanks, everyone.

 

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