Unplugged Mike

Why Bill Frist Ought to Be Thrown in Jail and Skinned

Democrats better take Bill Frist seriously. When he wants to accomplish something, he's not above doing something completely illegal and psychopathic. (Hat tip, Irina T.)

I'll adopt a special style for this post to explain what Frist (hereinafter "Defendant") did.

While a student at Harvard Medical School, Defendant, Bill Frist, did go to local animal shelters, and tell local shelter personnel that Defendant was interested in adopting a cat. Defendant would take said cats home, conduct surgery upon them, and kill them. Defendant has said that defendant conducted these "experiments" to better his surgery techniques.

If Defendant were a New York resident, Defendant would likely be charged with Aggravated Animal Cruelty, an E-class felony (up to 2 years in jail), both because of the unusual cruelty of defendant's actions and because of apparent volume of cats defendant killed.

Charges: Am 353-a(1)(ii) - A person is guilty of aggravated cruelty to animals when, with no justifiable purpose, he or she intentionally kills or intentionally causes serious physical injury to a companion animal with aggravated cruelty. For purposes of this section, "aggravated cruelty" shall mean conduct which: (ii) is done or carried out in an especially depraved or sadistic manner.

The number of counts Defendant is to be charged with will be equal to the number of animals he kills.

I would recommend that the sentences run consecutively.

Defendant is apparently a poor surgeon, since he no longer practices.

Defendant is our current Senate Majority Leader. G-d help Defendant if he runs for President in 2008.

Unfortunately, Defendant escapes felony charges on aggravating statute of limitations issues. New York's 353-a was passed in 1999. Defendant would probably fall under 353, the misdemeanor animal cruelty statute.

Massachusetts, the real site of the crime, passed their felony animal cruelty statute just last year, and it went into effect on November 17, 2004. It is Massachusetts General Law, Chapter 272, Section 77. It's also tougher than New York's law. Defendant could go to jail for up to 5 years if Defendant were to do what he did then today.

I'd still recommend that the sentences run consecutively.

I would also give Harvard University a call and have Defendant expelled, or at least, in the Thane Rosenbaum tradition of creative punishment, have the Defendant sent on naked jungle safari.

posted by Michael Brenner @ 5:53 PM